Rethink the Remake

So Hollywood is going to just keep remaking movies, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Fine, I can accept that. I’ll even see some. Okay, probably most. Although, most of the time I’ll wait for them to show up on basic cable or Netflix.  I just think it would make life more interesting if they’d take movies that failed to meet expectations (either box office or if the product itself) and gave them another shot. Apple failed when they worked with Motorola on the Rokr, the first phone that worked with iTunes. Then they had a mild success with a little gadget called the iPhone, you may have even seen one.

Understand, I’m not advocating a remake of Battlefield Earth. Some movies didn’t realize their potential, and then there are movies which should be considered criminal. I just think there’s a good inside Mario Puzo’s “The Sicilian” and Christopher Lambert in 1987 wasn’t the answer. Harlem Nights should have been a classic. And while there’s no Richard Pryor equal around, or a funny Eddie Murphy, this is the type of movie Hollywood should remake. Give me Don Cheadle and Samuel L. Jackson and let Kevin Smith direct.  Let Tarantino give Natural Born Killers a shot, he wrote it and Oliver Stone just got lost in directing it.

Hollywood would be wise to consider doing the same with failed television shows, that had a little bit of promise, instead of butchering our favorite shows from the 80’s. “FlashForwad” was always a better idea for a movie anyway. “Luck” has all the bones of a great Michael Mann movie, he just needs to dumb down a bit so the average viewer has a clue as to what everyone is talking about. But Mann and Dustin Hoffman? Yes please.  Mann himself has reused a project that missed, and turned into a classic. Before Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino filmed one of their last good movies, Mann made a movie for television called “L.A. Takedown.” So do us all a favor, cancel the Scarface and Point Break remakes, and do something different while doing something for the second time.

Olympic Touch Up

I dig the Olympics. I’m not wrapped up in them like many, not even as much as my wife, but I really do appreciate how great all these athletes are at what they do. The human interest angles are always interesting, as well. But I can’t help myself, I want to tinker. I also want the answers to questions that I don’t believe I can get from this set up. So I’ve dreamt up my own little Olympic set up. Not because I want to take away the opportunity to shine from someone like Michael Phelps, I’d still like all these sports to have their World Championships, and I think it’d be fantastic if they were watched by hundreds of millions of sport fans across the globe.

That said here’s what I want to see:

·         Each country gets 25 spots on their Olympic team.

·         Each member of the team must compete in 20 of 25 events. I know there are currently 26 events, but hey, this is my set up and 25 just works best.

·         Every athlete must participate in 15 sports.

·         The team members aren’t announced until the Opening Ceremonies.

You won’t get to see who the best in the world is at any specific sport. You may not even see Michael Phelps at all. But for me, what makes this such an intriguing idea is that if you see Phelps, you’ll really get to see what kind of athlete he is. He’ll swim, but he’ll also play some basketball, run track, maybe even gymnastics. LeBron James would lead the basketball team, but I’m sure he’d also be a beast in handball, but how would he do in fencing and synchronized swimming?

Without doing a ton of research, here are a few of the athletes I’d select for the US Men’s team:

LeBron James, Kobe Bryant, Chris Johnson, Michael Phelps, Larry Fitzgerald, Andy Roddick, Russell Westbrook, Tim Tebow (really), Mike Trout, Rajon Rando, Cam Newton, Ashton Eaton and Patrick Willis for starters.

The one thing we might actually learn from all this, is who the greatest athlete in the world is. This, oddly enough, is often talked about during the Olympics anyway.

Hate It All

Hate’s a strong word. I understand that as I say the following:

I hate everything that happened at Penn State. Above everything, I hate Jerry Sandusky. He’s a monster. I hate those who didn’t run to the nearest mountain top and shout for the victims. I hate that Joe Paterno sat on his hands and turned a blind eye. I hate that Paterno did everything else with so much class and integrity. I hate that Paterno didn’t recruit like every other football coach and made it so easy to admire him.  I hate calling what he did and didn’t do a “mistake.” I also hate calling him a criminal, even though he just might be. I hate that we’re putting so much faith in what seems to have been a very thorough investigation, but wasn’t, in anyway, a legal investigation.

I hate that the NCAA is getting involved now. I hate that I agree with a lot of their sanctions. I also hate the idea of vacating wins. While playing for Penn State in 2000, Adam Taliaferro was paralyzed on the field in a game against Ohio State. Adam’s response to the vacating of wins was perfect, “NCAA says games didn't exist. I got the metal plate in my neck to prove it did. I almost died playing 4 PSU. Punishment or healing?!?” Today Adam is an attorney and a motivational speaker.

I realize the NCAA was in a tough spot, but so is everyone else involved. A reaction was needed and just. The word of the day was “unprecedented,” and I guess that’s a good thing. I wouldn’t have been upset had they received the “death penalty” for everything that went on, and I have no beef with the $60 million, but vacating 13 years worth of wins is bull. This isn’t about punishing Penn State or Joe Paterno. Vacating wins is about the NCAA not wanting to see “#1-Joe Paterno 409 Wins” in their record books. I understand why, it doesn’t feel good to have someone who was involved in such a horrendous crime against children. Okay, so it doesn’t feel good. It happened, and while Paterno did a lot wrong, he coached his team to those wins. We saw them. Players played in them, and one almost died in one of them.

If a CEO, or anyone else, is linked to a crime, or even convicted of a crime, we don’t get to vacate anything they did. Good or bad, life happened. Vacating is just another way of trying to look the other way. Vacating wins, in the instance and any other, is a cowardly and weak act. It’s also an insult to the victims of a monster. I can’t say their lives were ruined, because that seems unfair and judgmental, but their innocence was ripped away from them. Don’t tell me that had anything to do with a game, or even 111 games.

We now know a lot of things happened over the past decades. Sandusky preyed upon innocent children. Paterno and the powers that be at Penn State assisted in covering up unimaginable crimes. And games were played, many were won. Those games are simply not important here. I hate it all.

Zero Worship

So I’m 35 (wait, what?) now and I can safely say that I don’t worship athletes, or any celebrities, the way I once did. I won’t lie, I still find myself looking up to people more than I should. Yes, both literally and figuratively.  But the 13 year old in me (I know, this is opening me for a lot of really bad Sandusky-like jokes) doesn't deserve to have his heart broken anymore. It’s not like I was ever a huge Penn State fan or loved Joe Paterno. I did, however, have a ton of respect for him and appreciate what the school stood for. Of course I liked him, how could you not like the old guy on the sideline with glasses so thick you could see what he was thinking. How I wish that last statement was true.

Man, there’s something about those glasses. Damn those glasses. Having worked in optics as long as I did, I've made lenses that thick before. Every time I did, I felt bad for the poor SOB who had to wear such heavy things. More than that, I couldn't help but feel sorry that they had such poor vision. I had a vague idea of how much they missed seeing. Or so I thought. Turns out, Joe wasn't missing as much as we hoped. He was just looking the other way.

We all shoulder some blame here. Not that we’re responsible for what Sandusky did, or what the powers that be at Penn State didn't do. But they don’t jump up on that pedestal as much as we put them there. No one should be on a pedestal. Funny, when looking up “pedestal” on Wikipedia, there’s a note that states it’s often misheard as “pedal stool.” Turns out, that’s probably more accurate. Even more accurate is “peddle stool.” It’s all bought and sold, and it’s almost always crap.

I think it’s time we reevaluate what a hero is. No longer should it be the guy who runs the fastest or jumps the highest or throws a ball the hardest. No elected officials. Not even the guy who runs into the burning building. A hero, for me, is not anything I want to define. Being a good parent, spouse or a loyal friend, that’s heroic enough now.  Maybe it always was.

Know Justice?

At what point, exactly, did our Justice System no longer matter? The only court that carries any kind of weight now, is the Court of Public Opinion. The legal system can convict or acquit, and it really doesn’t matter. Long before a jury or Judge even hears an opening argument, guilt and innocence has already been decided.

Take a look at this list of names/cases:

OJ Simpson

Casey Anthony                                                                                      

Michael Jackson

Barry Bonds

Lance Armstrong

John Edwards

Roger Clemens

Joran Van Der Sloot

George Zimmerman

Mike Tyson

Kobe Bryant

Duke lacrosse

I bet that anyone who reads this post knows all those names, and what they were accuse of. Furthermore, everyone has their own feelings as to the guilt or innocence in each case and more often than not, their opinions differ from was decided in a courtroom. I know it’s true for me.

But what does that say about us? What does it say about our legal system? I really don’t know, for sure, but I think that whatever it says, we should probably be concerned. Either way, public opinion says we’re right.

  

Future So Bright

I’m not sure how I noticed this, but it just became very clear to me that there is a solid crop of actors who appear to be leading the new guard.  But before we can look ahead, we must look back. If you go back 15 years or so, it looked as if Leonardo DiCaprio, Vince Vaughn, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Ed Norton, Mark Whalberg, Jaquin Phoenix, Cuba Gooding Jr, Will Smith and Adrian Brody were the up and comers. (And no, I’m not counting Clooney here. He’s just been around too long, even though he didn’t really hit it big till “ER” in 1994. Also see: Brad Pitt.)

DiCaprio, although not my favorite, has put together perhaps the most impressive resume in movie history. Seriously, if these were stats, his numbers would look like Michael Jordan’s. Vaughn shifted from doing darker independent movies (Clay Pigeons) and began to riff on his best role ever (obviously Double down from Swingers.) So while he’s had more than his share of box office success, I’d actually call his career a disappointment at this point.  Damon has been turning out pretty high quality flicks on a consistent basis while is buddy Affleck has recently turned things around after stepping on a few landmines and dating Jennifer Lopez. Phoenix went a bit loony, so well documented in fact that he documented it himself. Gooding has mailed in every performance since winning his Oscar. We get it, you have a big smile. Will Smith has become the biggest actor on the planet while Brody can only be recognized now for doing razor commercials.

The future belongs to Ryan Gosling, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jeremy Renner, Chris Pine, Michael Shannon, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Justin Timberlake (yeah, I said it), and Shia LeBeouf, Chris Evans and Emile Hirsch.  Renner, Pine and LeBeouf will duke it out for the title of Box Office Champ. Gosling and Gordon-Levitt will continue to make just great films and show limitless range. Rogen and Hill will end up being great dramatic actors, as so many other comedians have in the past.  

The biggest compliment I could give this group is, if I were to be in charge of casting a remake of The Godfather (which should be a felony), I’d cast most of them.  In fact, here’s how I’d cast the film:

Gosling -Michael.

Renner- Sonny.

Godon-Levitt as Fredo.

Pine-Tom Hagen.

Timberlake -Johnny Fontane.

Hirsch- Moe Greene

Rogen-Tessio.

Hill- Clemenza.

Shannon -Luca Brasi.

Evans-Barzini.

Showing the ladies some love:

Emma Stone plays Kay, and is twenty times more likeable than Diane Keaton.

Anna Kendrick replaces wet towel, Talia Shire.

And you know what, that’s not bad. Of course, it wouldn’t compare to the original, but IF it were to happen, I’d trust everyone of those actors with those roles. And if you wanted to do just a cool, fun flick, like reboot the Oceans series, you could pretty easily find a slot for all of them.

The key, of course, to the future of movies is that the studios green light the best scripts and not just sequels, reboots or paint by number films.

Show Me De Niro

Robert De Niro is personally redefining “jumping the shark.” If you didn’t know, the phrase that was born from the “Happy Days.” A now infamous episode where the Fonz, literally, jumped over a shark. To most it represented the exact moment the show took a turn for the worse. I’m not yet sure what we should call it, but whatever “it” is, Al Pacino is doing his own version.

Take a look at this amazing list of movies De Niro appeared in between 1968 and 1997:

·         Mean Streets

·         Bang The Drum Slowly

·         The Godfather: Part II

·         Taxi Driver

·         The Deer Hunter

·         Raging Bull

·         Once Upon a Time in America

·         The Untouchables

·         Midnight Run

·         Goodfellas

·         A Bronx Tale

·         Heat

·         Casino

·         Jackie Brown

Those are just the highlights, in my opinion.  De Niro appeared in 53 movies over those 29 years. If you even purchase a movie occasionally, you probably own no less than five of them. Then after ’97 made a very noticeable shift and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to enjoying Analyze This and Meet the Parents. Those were a couple of fun comedies, and it was entertaining to see him make fun of his on screen persona.  

Things steam rolled out of control. The quality didn’t just drop off, it has vanished. The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle, really? I’m convinced he has simply stopped reading scripts. There’s no other way the young Don Corleone agrees to Showtime or 15 Minutes. How he and Pacino agreed to do a movie with 50 Cent is beyond me. Still, Righteous Kill was so bad that 50 wasn’t even the weak spot. See: Pacino jumps a banister and runs off like he’s Carl Lewis.

What’s troubling me most right now is, the pace he’s turning out crap. Post 1997, and including movies currently filming, in pre-production, or post-production (according to my bible, IMdB.com) De Niro has worked on 40 movies. That’s 40 forgettable roles. How does this happen? Can Congress look into this?

It’s not that there aren’t any good roles for men in their 60s. Jeff Bridges and Tommy Lee Jones have done some of their most memorable roles in the last seven or eight years.  What they haven’t done? New Years Eve.

I’m calling it: De Niro’s career has Bullwinkled.