Cheating

This is going to be a long post. You’ve been warned.

I’ve long had a beef with Lance Armstrong, but it had nothing to do with what he did or didn’t do to prepare for competition. I dislike bullies, he happens to have a black belt in bullying. This isn’t about Lance. It isn’t about Barry Bonds or Mark McGwire and it isn’t about records or any Hall of Fame. This is about cheating. Or what we call cheating. Personally, and this is weird, what these guys have done, I don’t really consider it to be cheating. Technically, sure, they cheated. So first, let’s look at the definition. Pardon me for going all Bill Clinton here.

Cheat:  Verb- Act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage.

Yes, athletes taking steroids are doing so to gain an advantage. But every athlete is looking for an advantage. Somehow we’ve arbitrarily drawn a line so certain drugs or treatments are considered an unfair advantage.  I don’t know all the rules, in all the sports, about which medications or treatments are allowed and which aren’t, but I know some. I know that a baseball player with a sore shoulder can get cortisone shot for the pain. I’m also not a chemist, but I can Google with the best of ‘em. Cortisone is a steroid hormone. The common use of cortisone is to provide short-term pain relief. So you know, it allows a player to feel better, so they can perform better. That’s okay. There are side-effects, as with any medication, and none of them are all that appealing; anxiety, depression, cataracts, and glaucoma. Those are only some of the side-effects. Just those that I don’t need a medical dictionary to talk about.

A pitcher can have his elbow blow up (not the correct medical term) and have surgery to repair the damage. He can then come back with a stronger elbow than he had before. Some have even come back with a more effective arsenal. No one considers any of this cheating, but the result gives the athlete an advantage. Why, because it’s not against the rules? Well if an NFL player gets called for holding, he broke a rule, but no one will call that guy a cheater. If we’re going to say that, technically, Armstrong is a cheater, isn’t every offensive lineman also a cheater?

Gaining an advantage over the competition is what separates athletes. The best athletes are the ones who push themselves the hardest. They’re the ones that practice with the most intensity. They find a way to gain an advantage over the competition. The “level playing field,” is always brought up in these conversations about cheating. I call BS. The level playing field is the field of play for each sport, and the equipment the competitors are allowed to use. As long as none of that is tampered with, you have a level playing field.

As someone who strongly believes that individuals should have equal rights, I don’t, for a second, believe we’re all equal or created equal. Some of us are born shorter (ahem) some of us stronger. Some of us are born smarter; some of us are born with challenges. We’re not really “equal” in the truest sense of the word. And neither are athletes. What an athlete does in order to prepare for competition shouldn’t be our concern.

Fans love to discuss where a great player ranks among the all-time greats. When we have those debates, the ones that our wives roll their eyes at, we totally ignore the fact that there’s no “even playing field” between eras. Adrian Peterson just had one of the best statistical seasons of any running back in NFL history. He did this, not even a year after tearing his ACL and MCL. 20 years ago, an injury that like would have likely ended his career. Yet, thanks to medical advances, he came back and performed better than he ever has. So we marvel at this, as we should, but had he used certain drugs, we’d call him a cheater and discard his entire season, and probably his entire career. It just makes no sense.

What they put in their bodies can absolutely be a detriment to their long-term health. And that’s worth discussing, both for their benefit and to educate anyone else considering using the same tactics. But the general public really doesn’t care about their health. We love the violence of football. We want these people to play through pain that we’d never consider. And we want them to be stronger,  run faster, jump higher, hit a ball further, play through pain we can’t imagine and believe it all happened because ate their Wheaties.

I was telling my wife about my idea for this post last night, and she asked if I have a problem with authority. I do, I absolutely do. Not that I’m some rebel, but hypocrisy drives me batty. It doesn’t mean that I think Bonds and Armstrong are righteous, heroic guys. They’re both jerks. But they’re both, in my opinion, the best to ever play their sports. They broke rules, even some laws. Rules and laws that I feel are completely ridiculous. I’m much more upset by the athletes who are arrested for assaulting their significant others or driving while intoxicated. Basically, doing anything that harms someone else or puts the lives of others at risk is worth our attention.

The line that we’ve drawn in the sand is more of a wall, and it’s time to tear down that wall.

Hall of Flame

Today’s the big day, where the Baseball Writers of America get their moment to grandstand and play morality police, as they've promised us they would for the past 10 years. Today their Hall of Fame votes are made public, and we’ll see them keep Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens, the PED poster boys, out of the Hall of Fame. Sure, they’ll also continue to keep Rafael Palmeiro, Jeff Bagwell, and Mark McGwire out, as they have the past couple of years.  And Mike Piazza is a coin flip at this point, but Bonds and Clemens are the biggest fish in this pond. Perhaps the greatest hitter and greatest pitcher of all-time, who both also happen to be all-time jerks.

The voters, and many fans, will hide behind a joke called the “character clause.” A clause which allows voters to take someone’s character into account when deciding if their career warrants enshrinement in a museum that was designed to celebrate the best in the history of the game. But these players, “allegedly” used some drugs that the powers that be deemed illegal. Even though a doctor could prescribe them to a patient, if they so choose. Both Bonds and Clemens had their day in court, and neither was convicted of perjury, nor where they caught by Major League Baseball using anything illegal (at a time when baseball actually had rules stating it was illegal).

The truth is, this isn't about keeping the sport clean. Baseball has a long history of players taking amphetamines or caffeine pills, for a competitive edge. Cheating has long been celebrated in baseball, and made some players endearing to fans. Gaylord Perry, a Hall of Famer, even wrote a book entitled “Me and the Spitter.” So the writers are actually telling us that they’ll accept cheating, just degrees of cheating. I wonder if their wives know that.

What bothers me most isn't even the idea of voting for guys who put up legitimate number. Although there’s actually no way of knowing who did and didn't  if Ben Johnson was taking steroids in 1984, why is it safe to assume that no one in baseball was? No, what aggravates me the most is the public and media singling out baseball and, oddly enough, cycling. If a NFL player gets caught, sure they get suspended for four games. That’s a healthy punishment, as its 25% of the season, but that’s the end of it. There’s no backlash. No one is asking for their awards to be stripped or their numbers to be marked with a Scarlet asterisk. Oh sure, after Shawne Merriman was caught, the NFL ended up passing a rule that prevents a player who fails a test, from making the Pro-Bowl in THAT SEASON. Meanwhile, since the “Steroid Era” began in baseball we've seen the following:

·         Five running backs have topped 2,000 yards in a single season, only two before.

·         Five quarterbacks have thrown for more than 5,000 yards in a single season, and it only happened once before.

·         13 receivers have tallied more than 1,600 yards in a season, only two did it before.

·         Nine defenders have recorded 18.5 or more sacks in a season, and only seven did so before the mid 90’s.

Then there’s the fact that no one seems to even consider that NBA players may also take these drugs, but most will agree that the game is played by bigger, stronger and faster players. In a league where there are far fewer roster spots and the average NBA player earns over $5 million a season, compared to $3.4 in baseball and $1.9 in the NFL.

But no one cares about the other sports, simply because the individual statistics aren’t as valued as they are in baseball. The average fan might know who holds the record for most rushing yards in a season or assists in a career, but they don’t know what those numbers are. Whereas, even casual fans know what 61 represents in baseball. Baseball fans know who the last player to hit .400 was, or how many no hitters Nolan Ryan threw, or how many hits Pete Rose racked up.

It all drives me nuts, but nothing more than the “character clause.” Babe Ruth was known to be a womanizer and heavy drinker. Ty Cobb was a world renowned racist. Countless baseball players cheated on their wives. Eddie Murray was charged by the SEC with insider trading. “Character clause,” are you kidding me? If we’re going to consider character, then shut the door to the Hall of Fame and open up a Character Hall of Fame. I can promise you this much, if you selected from the general population, the Character Hall of Fame would have less members than Skull and Bones.

Lastly, those writers who want to ignore the accomplishments of the players they believe cheated, I wonder if they discount the income they received in covering those same accomplishments. Mike Lupica wrote a best-selling book, celebrating the home run chase between Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire. I haven’t yet received an offer to refund my $20, since his book was aided by steroids. Now he gets to double dip, and earn a nice check while he vilifies the same players that he made money celebrating. All under the umbrella of a “character clause,” this has to be a joke, right?

Newtown.

The first blog I ever posted, before they were called blogs (AOL has since removed it), was the day after a local tragedy in the Kansas City area. Three teenage girls, who went to my old high school, were killed in a car accident. I still remember their names, Amanda Bush, Alana Winn and Jennifer DeFranco. Three girls I never met. I was just a couple of years out of high school, so it hit pretty close to home. I ended up posting some of my thoughts online. A day or two after the accident, one of their sisters came into the Kinko's where I worked, to make necklaces that would contain her sisters’ picture. I gave them to her for free, and then showed her the site I had put up. She left a comment, which I’ll always remember. Columbine happened almost exactly a year later. And I went to the web again. A few days later a survivor was generous enough to stop by my site and post a comment, which was truly humbling.

There have been countless tragedies since, and there will be countless more, enough to drive us all to the edge of sanity. My wish is that we get close to that edge, and find the strength to move away from it. That all this senseless pain turns into something positive. And that can only happen if we open the lines of communication. It's not necessarily “politicizing” an issue just because you want to talk about it. There’s a time and a place for all conversations, but that doesn't mean that time or place is going to be overwhelmingly comfortable for everyone.

Adults, supposedly, are able to talk about the tough issues. These are the times when we should stop the name calling, or silly comparisons (planes were used on 9/11, should we ban planes) and voice our concerns. Share our hopes and our fears and, most importantly, listen to those who disagree. Put our politics aside, and put our children first. There’s no easy fix here. But if the senseless death of 20 children isn’t enough to convince us to at least consider every imaginable and unimaginable, idea on the table, then we’ll never do it. And then we’re all, at least somewhat, to blame.

11-22: The Concert That Will Never Be

Last night, after catching up on “Dexter,” the better half and I flipped on the 12-12-12 Sandy Benefit concert. We came in at the end of the Bon Jovi set, and witnessed the Jersey-gasm all over the stage. I was reminded that I still believe the Stones and The Who are overrated, and while Clapton is still Clapton, someone needs to at least make all aging rockers dress age appropriately. At a bare minimum, they have to agree to keep all clothing on, and shirts need to remain buttoned.

Sometime between Alicia Keys babbling, while playing the same keys through three “songs,” and Kanye West sounding the portion of my brain that loves fantasy baseball and football became engaged. I love these kinds of shows. It might be what America does best: We know how to throw a party to raise money in the wake of horrible tragedy.  But I wasn’t thrilled with all the acts. So if I was able to organize my own benefit show, and disturbingly enough, I imagined it being for New York City and in the Garden, I started to think about who I would want. In true fantasy style, there needs to be some kind of stats, so the best I could come up with was picking 3-5 songs for each act. As an added degree of difficulty, I also wanted to pick who would introduce the various acts.

Without further ado (how come no one ever adds ado?) The 11-22 Show:

The show opens with Jon Stewart, who introduces The Fugees.

Fugees play: Ready Or Not, Fu-Gee-La, The Score, How Many Mics and No Woman No Cry.

Lewis Black introduces the Dave Matthews Band.

DMB plays: So Much to Say, Ants Marching, Cry Freedom, Stay and Tripping Billies.

Jimmy Kimmel then introduces OAR.

OAR Plays: This Town, Love and Memories, Heard the World, and I Feel Home.

Dave Chappelle introduces the Wu-Tang Clan.

Wu-Tang plays: Da Mystery of Chessboxin’, CREAM and Protect Ya Neck.

Russell Brand introduces Ryan Adams.

Ryan plays: New York-New York, Lucky Now, Come Home, Everybody Knows and Gonna Make You Love Me

Jimmy Fallon introduces Justin Timberlake. Obviously, right?

Justin plays: SexyBack, My Love, Rock Your Body and Senorita.

Jonah Hill introduces Mumford & Sons.

Mumford plays: I Will Wait, The Cave, Roll Away Your Stone, and Little Lion Man.

Chris Rock introduces Beyonce.

Beyonce plays: Ring the Alarm, Single Ladies and brings out Jay-Z for Crazy In Love

Jay Z stays and plays: 99 Problems, Never Change, Thank You and Empire State of Mind.

Louis CK introduces Billy Joel.

Billy plays: Miami 2017, Piano Man, and Scenes from an Italian Restaurant, The Downeaster “Alexa,” and of course, New York State of Mind.

The playlist is already available on Spotify: http://open.spotify.com/user/hirp/playlist/3QCxahj94qnd6z1yQZebYA

Excelsior

I've now been in Kansas City for 24 years. Other than the Jayhawks, I haven’t adopted any of the sports teams as my own. In fact, I've often gone the other way, and cheered against them. That’s probably worth a post all its own, and maybe a session with a shrink. But after the tragedy this past weekend, I've gone through my own run of emotions. Like any other decent human being, I fully understand that this has nothing to do with sports. There’s countless people suffering in the wake of what transpired, and everyone should be concerned first and foremost with baby Zoe.

Now, I understand that Jovan Belcher is technically a “murderer,” as I heard him called on the radio this morning. And I’m not, in anyway, trying to lessen what he did. Belcher brutally took the life of another human. But I can’t help but wonder if he suffered from some sort of mental illness. Not that it would make him any less responsible. It’s just how my mind works. When someone does something so crazy, and so out of character, I can’t help but wonder why. Now, we’ll never know what happened in their relationship. Nor do we really have a right to. And there’s nothing, at all, that Kasandra Perkins could have done to deserve that fate. And I hate to make a statement and follow it up with a “but”, but…there are things that can happen in life, that cause a person to snap. Doesn't make the snapping right or just, and it’s not an excuse. But there is a difference between someone snapping and a homicidal maniac.

I think, sadly, that anyone of us, if the circumstances are right (actually, wrong) are capable of snapping and taking a life. Like a perfect storm. Luckily, most of us are never in that situation. And even if we are, and do snap, it’s never okay. But it’s always, absolutely, worth trying to understand. Compassion, even for the unforgivable,  is what separates us from being animals. It’s also the best line of defense against similar future incidents.

Anyway, when I first heard they were going to play the game, I was appalled. I understand life goes on, and in most cases, we’d all go to work the next day if it happened at our office. Although, I can’t imagine any boss being made to go in the day after one of his employees took their own life in front of said boss. But this isn't your typical office. There aren't 70,000 fans cheering, booing, drinking or giving even half a damn at my office. No cheerleaders, celebration dances or foam fingers either. What I do, while it isn't life or death, isn't called a “game.” And we don’t say we’re “playing” anything.

Turns out the players made the right call. They knew what was best for them. I've never been more proud of the Chiefs, or more impressed with any coach. I feel that the organization should donate all the revenue for the day to fight domestic violence, suicide prevention as well as set up a trust fund for Zoe. And while I understand some of the players still want to honor their teammate, who still did something completely evil, but just might have been a victim too, in his own way. Hate to speculate, but I can’t help but think he was suffering from some sort of mental illness. So wearing a patch with his number would be flat out wrong. Although a patch with “Zoe” would be fantastic.

It's just impossible to find any kind of silver lining in this story.

Rethink the Remake

So Hollywood is going to just keep remaking movies, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Fine, I can accept that. I’ll even see some. Okay, probably most. Although, most of the time I’ll wait for them to show up on basic cable or Netflix.  I just think it would make life more interesting if they’d take movies that failed to meet expectations (either box office or if the product itself) and gave them another shot. Apple failed when they worked with Motorola on the Rokr, the first phone that worked with iTunes. Then they had a mild success with a little gadget called the iPhone, you may have even seen one.

Understand, I’m not advocating a remake of Battlefield Earth. Some movies didn’t realize their potential, and then there are movies which should be considered criminal. I just think there’s a good inside Mario Puzo’s “The Sicilian” and Christopher Lambert in 1987 wasn’t the answer. Harlem Nights should have been a classic. And while there’s no Richard Pryor equal around, or a funny Eddie Murphy, this is the type of movie Hollywood should remake. Give me Don Cheadle and Samuel L. Jackson and let Kevin Smith direct.  Let Tarantino give Natural Born Killers a shot, he wrote it and Oliver Stone just got lost in directing it.

Hollywood would be wise to consider doing the same with failed television shows, that had a little bit of promise, instead of butchering our favorite shows from the 80’s. “FlashForwad” was always a better idea for a movie anyway. “Luck” has all the bones of a great Michael Mann movie, he just needs to dumb down a bit so the average viewer has a clue as to what everyone is talking about. But Mann and Dustin Hoffman? Yes please.  Mann himself has reused a project that missed, and turned into a classic. Before Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino filmed one of their last good movies, Mann made a movie for television called “L.A. Takedown.” So do us all a favor, cancel the Scarface and Point Break remakes, and do something different while doing something for the second time.

Olympic Touch Up

I dig the Olympics. I’m not wrapped up in them like many, not even as much as my wife, but I really do appreciate how great all these athletes are at what they do. The human interest angles are always interesting, as well. But I can’t help myself, I want to tinker. I also want the answers to questions that I don’t believe I can get from this set up. So I’ve dreamt up my own little Olympic set up. Not because I want to take away the opportunity to shine from someone like Michael Phelps, I’d still like all these sports to have their World Championships, and I think it’d be fantastic if they were watched by hundreds of millions of sport fans across the globe.

That said here’s what I want to see:

·         Each country gets 25 spots on their Olympic team.

·         Each member of the team must compete in 20 of 25 events. I know there are currently 26 events, but hey, this is my set up and 25 just works best.

·         Every athlete must participate in 15 sports.

·         The team members aren’t announced until the Opening Ceremonies.

You won’t get to see who the best in the world is at any specific sport. You may not even see Michael Phelps at all. But for me, what makes this such an intriguing idea is that if you see Phelps, you’ll really get to see what kind of athlete he is. He’ll swim, but he’ll also play some basketball, run track, maybe even gymnastics. LeBron James would lead the basketball team, but I’m sure he’d also be a beast in handball, but how would he do in fencing and synchronized swimming?

Without doing a ton of research, here are a few of the athletes I’d select for the US Men’s team:

LeBron James, Kobe Bryant, Chris Johnson, Michael Phelps, Larry Fitzgerald, Andy Roddick, Russell Westbrook, Tim Tebow (really), Mike Trout, Rajon Rando, Cam Newton, Ashton Eaton and Patrick Willis for starters.

The one thing we might actually learn from all this, is who the greatest athlete in the world is. This, oddly enough, is often talked about during the Olympics anyway.