PEDs: Yes, Again

“I've had mixed feelings for years about doping. It's not that I'm in favor of it. It's just that I've never found the standard arguments against doping to be particularly compelling. So professional cyclists take EPO because they can rebuild their red blood cell count, in order to step up their training. I'm against "cheating" when it permits people to take shortcuts. But remind me why I would be against something someone takes because they want to train harder?” Malcolm Gladwell

I’m not sure who is more obsessed with Performance Enhancing Drugs, Major League Baseball or myself. I think I may have promised not to write about PED use anymore, and I could apologize, but there’s maybe three people reading this, so I’ll risk it and hope you’ll just have to forgive me.

I just can’t help myself. Every time there’s a major PED story in the sports news cycle, the subsequent outrage just drives me batty. Yes, it’s technically cheating. The rules say players aren't allowed to take these drugs, so by taking them, they are cheating. That much isn't really debatable. So while Alex Rodriguez isn't being suspended for flunking a test, I’m confident that he did 95% of everything they say he did. I was a fan of Alex, until he left Seattle. In part, it was because he spurned my Mets, and also because I've never been a fan of franchise players leaving via free agency, unless they are returning “home.” As Barry Bonds did when he went to the Giants, and Ken Griffey Jr did when he went to the Reds.

It wasn't until Alex forced a trade to the Yankees, that we realized how much of a prima donna he really is. Then on top of that, he was just horrible in the post-season. But this isn't about Rodriguez. I don’t really care what he did or how inflated his career numbers are.

What I can’t wrap my head around, is how the very day that the media is ripping him to shreds, we’re all celebrating the greatness of Peyton Manning. And Manning is now, and has always been, a remarkable football player. Manning has put together, perhaps, the greatest career ever, by anyone throwing a football. And if he had a similar career throwing a sphere, rather than a prolate spheroid, his numbers would all be under a cloud of suspicion.

Manning is 37, and two years removed from a career threatening neck injury. He required spinal fusion surgery. That wasn't enough, and he had another procedure on his neck. Manning missed an entire season, and was released. He signed with Denver, and while his arm strength was obviously diminished in 2012, he had the second best season of his illustrious career. Then this year, Manning had, statistically, the best season of any quarterback in the history of the NFL.

Based on appearance, there’s never been any reason to suspect Manning of taking anything illegal. He’s currently listed at 6’5” and 230 pounds, the same weight he was listed during his senior year of college. That was 16 years ago. Manning and I are the same age, and neither myself, nor any of my friends, weight what we did 16 years ago.

It’s not that I suspect Manning has taken PED’s. My gut feeling is, that he actually has not. But the truth is, of the athletes that have been linked to PEDs, most weren't overly muscular nor did we witness some sort of noticeable physical transition. The outlier, of course, is Barry Bonds. Bonds looked more like the Hulk at the end of his career, than a baseball player.

Interestingly enough, both Bonds and Manning are the sons of fathers who played professional sports. Barry and Peyton both had much more productive careers than their fathers.

Of the 41 players that Major League Baseball that have been suspended for taking PEDs, only eight would be labeled power hitters. The vast majority were either relief pitchers or largely forgettable hitters. Of course, the list doesn't include Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa Mark McGwire or Jose Canseco. But my point is, it isn't just the super strong and Hulk-like, athletes using.

Forget about the big four sports in America for a second, and look at the rest of the landscape. Where is doping prevalent? In cycling (see; Armstrong, Lance) and track and field. Check out this list: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_doping_cases_in_athletics

Yet, in America, we seem to only suspect baseball players. When in truth, football players and basketball players have so much more to gain from taking performance enhancers. The list above contains mostly athletes who compete in sports where speed, agility and strength are most important. Have you watched baseball? It’s mostly about hand-eye coordination. Sure, being strong might help you hit a ball further, or throw it harder. But it won’t help you make contact more, and it won’t help you locate a pitch better.

But it would help a running back run fast, and allow him to be strong enough to handle being hit by a 250 pound linebacker. It would help a basketball player to train harder, and build up the strength in his legs, so he can run and jump. And it’s just too convenient, that, as of now, neither the NFL nor NBA, test for HGH.

So forgive me, if I can’t just accept Adrian Peterson coming back from a torn ACL, and had one of the best season of any running back, without borrowing some of Lance Armstrong’s methods. And I can’t look at Lebron James, combines the body of a power forward, with the speed of a point guard and can jump like a deer, and not suspect that he may be genetically modified.

Are we going to question every great feat accomplished on a baseball diamond, and blindly accept everything done on a football field or a basketball court? I can’t do that. Then again, I don’t really care what these guys put in their bodies. Because why I would be against something someone takes because they want to train harder?

Moneyball

There was a day last week where woke up yesterday morning at like 5am, for which I’d like to thank Daylight’s Savings. Blech. But since I couldn't get back to sleep, I decided to start watching Moneyball. It’s one of those movies that I can always watch. I’m happy watching just 15 minutes or watching the entire film. After texting a friend that enjoys Moneyball as much as myself, I realized what Hollywood needs to do. I am even more convinced today, after hearing about a “Full House” spin-off.

What I want, what’s important to me, is Aaron Sorkin and Peter Berg join forces, and give us “Moneyball” the television series. Knowing they couldn't have the cast from the movie, I’ve been thinking over the best casting options. My first instinct was for Kyle Chandler (aka Coach Taylor) to take on the role of Billy Beane. And I think he’d be fantastic, but it would be so hard to see him as anyone other than Coach Taylor. So when I sit down with Berg and Sorkin (what do you mean, “never gonna happen?”) I’m suggesting they cast John Cusak.

Cusak’s cadence speaking Sorkin’s words, yeah, sign me up. Sorkin could recruit Josh- er, Bradley Whitford to play A’s manager Bob Melvin. The way I see it, you take 6 parts of Moneyball, 3 parts of “Friday Night Lights” and one part of “Entourage” (coming from the first two seasons). I want to see Beane deal with free agents and working the phone to make a trade. I want to hear his reaction to the contracts the Angels hand out like prizes at a county fair.

There’s simply no way that this wouldn't be the best show on television. All that’s left is for Berg and Sorkin to sign on. 

Greatest Common Factor

I’m not sure when it happened, but it was sometime soon after getting married. I used to be a night owl. Up till 1 or 2 every night, and up by 6 during the week and 9 on the weekends. Now, during the week, I’m usually in bed by 10:30. Occasionally it’s earlier, and rarely it’s much earlier. The joke is, that I am turning into my mother because I’m also now an earlier riser, no matter if I want to be or not. Part of me can’t stand this new schedule, but then I sort of like being up early. I get to work by 7, but I’m usually 10-15 minutes early. Best of all, I’m off at 4. While most of the world still has another hour or two of work, I’m already heading home. That’s when it feels like I’m stealing time. To be honest, I’m not sure who I’m stealing it from. Now the idea of working till 5, actually gives me some anxiety. Although for me, anxiety comes with breathing.

So last night I stayed up to watch some of the Colts and Broncos, and once the game looked pretty much locked up, I turned in for the night. Meanwhile, the Kyd was up late doing some homework that she had forgotten about. I was equally annoyed that she waited till 11 on Sunday night to magically remember, and proud that she actually remembered. She had math homework, and she’s really come a long way. English was always her strong suit, she’s an amazing reader (both in quantity consumed and retention) and a very good writer. Math used to give her fits, but now she really enjoys it. Great news for me, since I was always a big fan of math, plus I’m actually good at the math she’s doing. But once she gets to high school, I may have to get a tutor of my own, just in case she asks for help.

A little before midnight, I heard my wife ask “are you awake?” I wanted to answer in the negative, but she’s too smart for that. Turns out, the Kyd was stumped by Greatest Common Factors. And I still like Greatest Common Factors, which I think is probably some sort of evidence of OCD. I’ll often see a license plate on the car in front of me, and stay behind that car until I’m sure I’ve figured out the Greatest Common Factor. But times sure have changed, now they teach kids to find the Greatest Common Factor using some cake method. Sure, every kid needs to start craving sweets while doing their homework.

Truth be told, I was thrilled to be up late. I loved that I could help, and while she usually can’t stand for me to help with homework, she was completely receptive, appreciative, and patient. This all reminded me why I became a night owl to begin with. When my parents always kept me on a strict bedtime, I was sure I was missing something. So as soon as “bed-time” was removed from my life, I made sure to stay up as late as I possibly could. I wasn’t going to miss anything. I hope I haven’t missed too many nights like last night, and that I’ll never miss another. But if 5 Hour Energy drinks cause cancer, please, don’t tell me just yet. 

Blurred Lines

Like so many others, I am a creature of habit. My wife may think it occasionally borders on OCD, and she’s not wrong. Recently, I tweaked (I might have to retire the use of “tweak” as it’s just way too close to “twerk” but I digress) my bedtime routine. I used to just put on the television, and find something that was just interesting enough that I didn't want to flip the channel, but lacked action and humor. Usually it ended up with me watching an episode of “Lockup” or “Drugs Inc.” Then, in an effort to make it easier for my wife to fall asleep, I swapped an iPad in place of the television.

Now I look for documentaries that fit the bill; interesting enough that it holds my attention for 20 minutes, but not so interesting that it gives me a second wind. Last night I found Miss Representation.  Miss Representation is a documentary that delves into how the media portrays women, and how that impacts young girls to teens, to women and even men. See, it doesn't even sound all that enthralling, right? Sure, I've noticed how almost every commercial includes a beautiful woman and her beauty is the focus of the spot, no matter if the ad itself is selling perfume or a hamburger.

But what really hooked me, was listening to a group of high school girls talk about their stories. Hearing tales of how they worried about their weight in 5^th grade. As well as the stories about how harsh women are to each other. It really struck a chord with me, as a father, husband, uncle, son, brother and as a compassionate human-being. I couldn't help but think about how we could diminish the impact of the onslaught of images and influences the Kyd sees on a daily basis. Unfortunately, and predictably, I haven’t been able to come up with a silver bullet. Instead, I've decided that I’ll sit and watch Miss Representation with down with my wife and daughter. I’ll do my best to not say anything. I’m sure the Kyd will be plenty embarrassed by all the shots of cleavage and skimpy outfits. It’ll be hard for me to keep my lips sealed, but I’m hoping she takes away two thoughts.

One, it’s all crap. Her worth isn't derived from her body. Winning the adoration of a boy isn't the end game, and she should never sell herself short for any reason.

Secondly, I want her to know that I’m aware of the burden society puts on her and her friends. Then maybe one day down the road when I make a crack about how she’ll never be allowed to wear the house in a skirt as short as the one that girl over there is wearing, isn’t about me wanting to prevent her from attracting boys or because I want her to be afraid of sex. I just want her to be seen for the smart, funny, talented, beautiful, compassionate, and creative young woman she is. And more than wanting her to be seen that way, I want her to see herself as smart, funny, talented, beautiful, compassionate and creative young woman she is.

Maybe she’ll start to understand why I refuse to listen to Miley Cyrus’ latest song, when it comes on the radio when we’re on our way to volleyball practice. And maybe I need to turn the channel the next time a Victoria’s Secret commercial comes on during the basketball game we’re watching. Or maybe I just need to be sure she hears me compliment her, as well as her mother’s sense of humor, intelligence and kind heart.

Breaking Wish

Like most of the country, I am obsessed with “Breaking Bad”. No, that’s not even accurate. I am addicted.  I’ll skip all of the obvious metaphors, but I can’t get enough of the show or the cast. I want to have surgery so that I sound like Aaron Paul. I hate myself for being a couple of years late to the party, but I’ll be first in line for Vince Gilligan’s next project. He could write a note on the wall of a bathroom stall in whatever they now call the Oakland Coliseum, and you’ll find me literally knee deep in it.

I think the writers are nothing short of brilliant, and for me to place this show above “The Sopranos” on my Mount Rushmore of television dramas is the highest compliment I can give.  There hasn't been a wasted episode, pointless character or a single line that wasn't meticulously thought out. The premise itself doesn't sound incredibly interesting.  And a show about a middle class and middle aged white person becoming a drug dealer, just three years after “Weeds” premiered, smells of a copycat. Yet they made the most interesting and most original series, the best ever.

That all said, I think they’re making a mistake. Not with the direction of the show, but with the Saul Goodman spin-off. For me, Saul has always been a great character, who has given the show great comedy relief at the exact right time. Before I stopped biting my fingernails, and began devouring entire fingers. But he isn’t the character to carry an entire series. He’s like Jack Black. Fantastic in a supporting role, but should only be the lead in the perfect situation. Think: High Fidelity, School of Rock, King Kong, and Shallow Hal.

No, the character that would make for the most interesting spin-off is the last character they introduced us to. The man with no name, played by the brilliant Robert Forster. (Thanks to the Podcast, I actually do know his name)

What television doesn't need is another show about a lawyer. Not even a corrupt, glorified ambulance chaser who offices out of a strip mall. But a show about someone who owns a vacuum store and on the side helps recreate identities and relocate all sorts of characters? That’s an idea worth exploring.  He’s someone I want to know more about. How did he get into that line of work? Why? What’s his end game? What are his methods?  And can you imagine all the different characters they could introduce?

Not just the criminal masterminds like Mr. White, yo. There’s the abused spouse wanting to start fresh. Maybe a disgraced politician that had to withdraw from a race because of some indiscretions. Or the front man of a band like The Cruisers. 

Breaking Theory

After last night’s “Breaking Bad” I have, like the rest of the world, had to re-evaluate my prediction for how the show ends. Not that I had really committed a single theory, but based on what we knew, Walt was alive in the somewhat near future. Based on the, for lack of a better word, flash-forward, we knew that Walt had left the Albuquerque area and assumed a new identity. Most of the theories revolved around him calling Saul’s vacuum repair guy.

Stop reading now, if you haven’t seen last night’s episode. Also, get your priorities in line.

They left us believing that Hank and Gomez were dead, or that death was imminent. Not since Trayvon Martin, has someone been at such a disadvantage as a couple of DEA agents were against some ultra-militant Neo-Nazi psychopaths. But let’s be honest, they had pretty horrible aim. They had the better angle, more firepower, and shot first. Yet, somehow we never see Hank or Gomez wounded. Or I missed it. This is completely possible, as I can neither confirm nor deny that I had to pause the show, just to change my shorts. I was sure they were going to snipe Hank like Tom Berenger would have.  

Based on the assumption that Hank and Gomez lose the firefight, here is what I think is going to happen:

Walt will be wounded. There’s just no way that none of the bullets strike him. There hasn’t been a sitting duck like that since Tupac on the Vegas strip. Which, by the way, happened 17 years ago Saturday. RIP, Pac. And now, back to our regularly scheduled program. The skinheads aren’t going to kill Jesse. Maybe they think Walt is dead, but Jesse survived the shootout. So Landr-, er, Matt Dam-, I mean Todd’s crazy uncle is going to snatch Jesse. Our beloved Jesse is their best bet at increasing the purity of Todd’s cook as well as adding that blue persuasion.

But we know that Walt did indeed survive. I think he ends up turning State’s evidence, and testifying against the Skinheads. He could just as easily spin a tale about how they got their hooks into him, just like the story he spun about Hank in “Confessions.” And the Government will be more concerned with getting the guys who gunned down two of their own. Also, since the DEA has no knowledge of Hank investigating Walt.

So Mr. White testifies, but something goes wrong. The skinheads have Jesse cooking for them, but Todd finally perfects the cook, and Jesse becomes disposable. We see Walt coming back, not to go after Jesse. Not to face off with Walt Jr. Mr. White, who actually got away with being a drug kingpin for a year, can’t help but come back to avenge his top pupil. The cancer is back, and he doesn't have much time left. Sadly, neither does the greatest show ever.

Fantasy

I've been playing fantasy sports since, well, since before I actually even started playing fantasy sports. In 3rd grade, a friend and I would draft teams. There was never any tracking of stats, so no winner or loser. You won, or lost, just from looking at the rosters. I finally went “professional” in 6th grade, and I've had either a football, baseball or basketball team every year since. 

 But the newest idea for a league that I see in my minds’ eye is a throwback to 3rd grade. Simply because it is pure fantasy. No, I don’t mean that kind of fantasy. It can never be tracked. If you have ever watched a football game, you may have noticed that there were 11 guys from each team on the field. In baseball, there’s nine and in basketball you have five players. My idea is to draft a team of 11 guys, from all three sports. The catch: everyone has to play a position in every sport. Tom Brady can be your quarterback, but you also have to find a position for him on the diamond and a spot for him on the hardwood, as well as a defensive position for him to play in football. 

 If, for example, you do draft Tom Brady, he has to be your QB. But then you can pick what positions he’ll play in the other sports. For the baseball team, you draft two starting pitchers and one relief pitcher to go along with your eight position players. For the basketball roster, there’s your starting five made up of a point guard, shooting guard, small forward and a center. The bench should have a back-up for every position plus one extra player, and the team owner can select what position they play. As for your football team, you have a little more flexibility. The owner can decide if they have three wide receivers or two. A two back set or a single back. There has to be a quarterback, at least one running back and two wide receivers, but the other three offensive positions are flexible, but every player has to have their position determined upon drafting. 

 Below are examples using current players, and an all-time team: